Fear and Awkwardness in Wisconsin

Nothing in life is to be feared.  It is only to be understood.  ~Marie Curie

Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.  ~Bill Cosby

To fear is one thing.  To let fear grab you by the tail and swing you around is another.  ~Katherine Paterson, Jacob Have I Loved 

To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.  ~Bertrand Russell


clumsiness? check.

lack of confidence? check.

awkward? check.

suddenly a first-time victim of fainting spells and panic attacks? check.


In 5th grade, a 6th grader (who’s name I definitely remember and is NOT a Facebook friend!) told me in gym class that I run funny. At lunch she told me I chewed funny.


I’m fairly certain this was the closest I ever had to being bullied, which is by no means complaint-worthy at all, but it has clearly and pathetically stuck with me. 


I have a fear of gyms and have never (since once in High School) signed up for any type of exercise class. As I begin to notice aging and post-breakup changes in my body, I’ve decided it’s really time to get over my childhood self-esteem issues and actually take care of myself. 


I haven’t worked out in 3 years. The closest thing I’ve had to exercise was 1 Level 1 video session of “The Biggest Loser Yoga” 4 months ago. I usually eat fairly healthy but certainly have my more-than-fair share of Wisconsin foods: beer, cheese, and fried anything.


So I signed up for a Tuesday night 7 week Yoga class downtown.

(If you remember from my “Zero Score and 7 years ago…” blog, this is #3 on the Bucket List (aka “Fulfilling My Dreams”/”Finally Feeling Alive”/”Get Out of Rock Bottom” List))

It starts tomorrow.


I am a ball of panic attacking nerves. I want to throw up. I’ll probably  just end up shaking and hyperventilating. 


But it’s good to get out of one’s comfort zone. It increases metabolism. Or something. 


And of course I have an “Up and At ‘Em – Motivate Me” playlist.


  1. Tap the Phone –> Francis and the Lights
  2. Wonder –> Dan Black
  3. Tonight is the Night –> Outasight
  4. Dynamite –> Taio Cruz
  5. La Belle et la Bete –> Big Soul
  6. E-Pro –> Beck
  7. Feel So Close –> Calvin Harris
  8. You Make Me Feel –> Cobra Starship
  9. Blurred Lines –> Robin Thicke
  10. Sail –> AWOLNATION
  11. Undercover Martyn –> Two Door Cinema Club
  12. My Body –> Young the Giant
  13. Walking On A Dream –> Empire of the Sun
  14. Safe and Sound –> Capital Cities
  15. Carried Away –> Passion Pit
  16. Burn it All Down –> VHS or Beta
  17. Fall Down –> will.i.am
  18. Anything Could Happen –> Ellie Goulding
  19. Embers –> Just Jack
  20. Terminally Chill –> Neon Indian



And Get Up and Get Motivated!


lose your inhibitions.

Do Something.


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